5 Tips For Building Confidence in Your Twenties

The other day I was trying to generate ideas for posts for my blog (being in a creative rut is rough) and I asked my friend “what are somethings you’d like to know as a twentysomething?” She is turning 21 in November so I’d figured now would be a good time to ask her as she slowly transitions into the Twenty-something life. She said “One thing that I think separates you from me if how confident you are, so maybe right tips on how you went about gaining that confidence.” This posed an interesting question because I definitely wasn’t always the confident person and I still struggle depending on the area of life that it is. However, I do think I have been alive long enough to give advice on how to gain a mostly* confident demeanor. That being said, here are some of my tips for being a confident person.

  • Fake it til you make it!

Being confident isn’t always easy and sometimes you may be feeling insecure and doubt yourself. That’s okay. It’s okay visit insecurity but don’t make it your home. My biggest way of becoming confident was acting how I saw people I believed to be confident act until I actually possessed the confidence I wanted. By exuding a fake confident energy, I fooled everyone around me into thinking I was confident until I eventually believed it myself. This was back in high school and maybe again in my early twenties but it did work for me.

  • Don’t base your confidence on what other people think

Having self-confidence in a rigid society that defines success in such a narrow way is hard. The truth of the matter is you can be the best looking, intelligent, physically fit, wealthy person and somebody is still going to have some shit to say about you, so don’t worry about what other people think of you. I think I was able to gain confidence when I stopped giving a shit what people think of me. The thing is most people, even the people who always have something to say, are concerned with themselves so they don’t really have to think about you as often as you believe. If you don’t thibk you’re the bomb.com, nobody else will either. Coco Chanel said it best, “I don’t care what you think about me. I don’t think about you at all.”

  • Find something you’re really good at and be proud of it

One way I built confidence in high school was by playing sports. Seeing how far I could push my body gave me an extreme level of confidence in an otherwise typical insecure teenage life. When I went to college and became an adult jr., I was always confident in the fact that I was now naturally an athletic person due to how I grew up playing sports. As I’ve grown into an actual adult and less in shape than my teenage athlete years, I’ve found a new confidence in doing dancing group fitness classes like MIXXEDFIT, Zumba, COMMIT, and others. When I’m in these classes I FEEL LIKE I’M THAT BITCH and nobody can stop me. While I personally love physical fitness as my thing, it doesn’t matter what your hobbies are just pick one thing that you can get really good at be proud of.

  • Stop the comparison game

Just as you could be the best looking, intelligent, physically fit, wealthy person, so can somebody else. The reality of life is that is always going to be somebody better than you at something. On the flip side, you will be better than others at certain things so there really is no need to compare yourself to anyone. I’m in the school of thought that we were all put on this Earth for our own purpose and comparing yourselves to others diminishes your ability to do what you are meant to do! On social media (where most comparisons for us millennials and Gen Z occur) people portray what they want you to see. Most people don’t show their full story, which is their right, so you can’t compare yourself to something that isn’t a true representation. So what if that person landed their dream job at 23. So what if they graduated with a 4.0. So what if they have the life you think you deserve. Everything ain’t for everybody and when you focus on comparing yourself to others you open the door for insecurities and jealously, which is the opposite of confidence! So don’t do it and just FOCUS on yourself. That’s how you become confident in who YOU are!

  • Don’t talk badly about yourself

Yes I wish I had a flat stomach and had extra inches in my height but I am who I am! Talking badly about the things you “hate” about yourself will not boost your confidence. It’s okay to want to improve things in in your life (whether they be physical, mental, or whatever else) but calling yourself dumb won’t make you any smarter. Saying you hate your back rolls won’t make them disappear and complaining about yourself in general never makes you a better person. While venting is okay, it’s important to be mindful of the way you talk to and about yourself. A good rule of thumb is to not say anything to yourself that you would drop a friend or romantic partner for saying to you.

It’s hard to be 100% confident all the time and there are days when you won’t feel that great about yourself. The key to confidence is to remember no matter what your shortcomings may be, you are still AMAZING and uniquely made.

What’s one thing you’re great at and proud of? Do you have any tips for building self-confidence? Let me know in the comments!

Goal Check: End of the 3nd Quarter of the Year (July-Sept)

September ended last weekend and thus the 3rd quarter of the year came to an end.  Wow, this year is flying by. This will probably be the check-in that I have accomplished the least buuut for the sake of transparency I will still be talking about the progress I’ve made towards my goals over the last 3 months. I’m hoping this will give me the reality check I need to accomplish some goals before the year is over!

 

Save $2,000 in a savings account

I actually am on track to have $1,000 in my savings account by the end of this year. While it’s not the $2,000 that I originally set out for this year, it’s still better than $0. I may save more than that if possible but I’ll have to see. I also recently paid off my credit card debt which is the reason the $2,000 savings goal may not be on the horizon.

 

Lose fat & gain muscle:

My health and fitness journey has taken quite the turn this quarter. I gained back 3 or so pounds since my Quarter 2 check-in. Most of my weight gain was in August due to adjusting to school and lack of preparation in regards to food. I also slacked on my gym hustle so gaining back a few pounds wasn’t surprising. I’m making some changes for the last 3 months to shake up my weight loss journey and hopefully hit one of my milestone goals by the end of Quarter 4. I made an appointment to see a dietician at my school and I’m the process of looking for a new trainer to push me to the next level. I’m positive I will have some great updates in regards to weight loss come December!

 

Take my blog to the next level:

Here’s a secret: I’ve already written and scheduled the next few weeks of content for my blog and this will finally start the catalyst of taking my blog to the next level. Planning ahead has made everything so much easier. I’m still working on engagement on Instagram but I have some ideas brewing away that I think will help me with that. Keep your eyes peeled for what’s to come!

 

Read one new book every month:

I read two new books this quarter. The first one was during my vacation in the DR, I read “We’re Going To Need More Wine” by Gabrielle Union and I can’t recommend this book enough! I really loved the way Gabrielle Union writes and tells stories about her personal life. It was honest, intimate, and one of the best books I have read this year. The second book I read was “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” by Mark Manson. I’ll be reviewing this on my blog at some point in time in the future. That being said, I doubt I will have any time to read for pleasure until winter break due to being in school. It was fun while it lasted. *cries*

 

Get my driver’s license and a car:

I definitely still haven’t made any significant progress on either of these things. To be honest, I will probably have to wait until after my law school finals to have the time and energy to take either the written exam or driving test. My weeks are focused on reading for school so I doubt I’ll be able to accomplish this until late December.

 

As I mentioned earlier, this has probably been my worse quarter in regards to some of my goals, especially my fitness ones. However, I know that most things aren’t linear and sometimes we go downhill a bit before we can climb back up and do what we set out to do. I’m going to focus on killing it in law school, saving up some money, and beasting at my fitness goals for the last quarter of the year and I encourage all of you to work towards you goals as well this last 3 months of 2018!

 

What’s an area of your life you’re looking to improve before 2019? What’s one final quarter 4 goal that you have? Leave me a comment and let’s talk about it!