Month: April 2020

Book Review: The Defining Decade

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There are fewer things as of late that make me happier than chilling in my bed with a book and reading right before I go to sleep. As I mentioned in  a previous post, one of my goals this year was to read one book a month, every month. While I can’t say I’ve managed to do that…I am pretty close to having read 7 books so far this year. I decided instead of just reading these books, taking notes, and going on the next book, I wanted to start sharing the books I really liked with my readers by starting a new series dedicated to reviewing books I’ve read. My main focus will be books I believe twenty-somethings should read. That being said, it is more than fitting my first book review is on one of my favorite reads this year “The Defining Decade: Why your twenties matter—and how to make the most of them now” by Meg Jay, PhD.

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The thing I enjoyed about this book was how much applicable advice it has for twentysomethings going through the post-grad struggle. From finding a job, to relationships and marriage, and even family planning, this book touches on topics that many of us like to put off as some abstract thing in the distant future when really…the future will be here before we even have time to blink. Okay, I’m being dramatic but that’s only because the author does such a great job of making the reader come to the realization that future is not as far off as we believe (or try to convince ourselves) it to be. Now is the time for us to not get caught up in going with the flow but to  actually make plans and lay the foundation for the rest of our lives while we have the least amount of strings (read: life partners, spouses, children) attached, according to Jay. She is a therapist and discusses her various twentysomething year old clients, their struggles, and solutions to the common twentysomething year old’s problems. I like this book because for once, there is a book talking to twentysomethings instead of about us. In this review I will share my three favorite quotes, two criticisms, and one overall review of the book and who I think should read the book.

1. “Shoulds can masquerade as high standards or lofty goals, but they are not the same. Goals direct us from the inside, but shoulds are paralyzing judgments from the outside. Goals feel like authentic dreams while shoulds feel like oppressive obligations.” pg. 47

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I particularly enjoy this quote because in the social media age everyone is guilty of comparing ourselves to our peers based on what they are uploading on their profiles, the new job they just got, their engagement announcement, etc. However, as Jay reminds us, thinking we should have these things based on what we see on social media (in the book she is actually talking about Facebook but I think it can apply to all social media we use) is detrimental to our well-being. I really enjoyed the chapter this quote is from.

2. “More and more twentysomethings are careful not to rush into marriage at a young age, yet many do not know what else to consider.” pg. 73

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When talking about twentysomethings and relationships (or meaningless hookups) Jay holds no punches. She gets really real about random hookups, cohabitation (living with a partner before being married), and actual marriage. I enjoyed this section because even now I am still guilty of putting off marriage in hopes that it will make for a better marriage but that is not realistic. The chapter on love was a good gut check for me and I’m sure it will be for any twentysomething “living in the moment” when it comes to love and relationships. It also offers suggestions of traits/values that partners should have similarities on before deciding to take the next step, and other stats (which she provides citations for) in regards to loving together before marriage, a list of other things that come up in relationships.

3. “Most twentysomethings can’t write the last sentence of their lives, but when pressed, they usually can identify things they want in their thirties or forties or sixties—or things they don’t want—and work backwards from there.” pg 198 (last page before the epilogue)

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I think this was a great quote to end on before the epilogue. Many times the idea of the future can be daunting and overwhelming. However, the beautiful things about our twenties is that we can get really honest with ourselves and decide what it is we truly want our lives to look like and make the changes/take the steps towards doing those things and stop our behaviors that are getting in the way of that. We may not know what our twenties have in store but with some deep reflection and introspection I’m sure we can decide what we at least want our lives to look like when it’s all said and done and Jay reminds us of that.

Criticisms of the book:

Although I honestly love this book very much and it has been one of my favorite reads, that’s not to say the book doesn’t have some flaws. I will be discussing two of them.

1. This book is aimed towards a very specific type of twentysomething: non-married college grads with no kids.

While non-college grads twentysomethings who may or may not have kids could probably take the meat of what is written in Jay’s novel, the novel does work around the fact that our twenties are the best time for us to do x, y, and z because we don’t have children (yet) or aren’t married (yet) and thus doing certain things to advance our careers and lives, etc are easier. I don’t think much of the advice would be as relatable to me if I wasn’t a college grad or at least in college right now. However, the overall theme of the book would be: the twenties set the foundation for the rest of your life. Because let’s face it, they do.

2. This book assumes that every twentysomething wants a (heteronormative) monogamous relationship with children to come soon after marriage.

The times are changing and I know many people, especially women who don’t want children, ever. Even for those who may struggle with fertility, the section on getting older and fertility doesn’t even suggest adoption or anything of the sort, only being mindful of not putting off having children when you are too old. Either way, there is a specific lifestyle in mind when Jay is writing which I think is fine, people should stick to lakes and rivers they’re used to but for those who may not adhere to these things, especially the desire to have children, a good section of the book might be useless. That’s not to say the rest of the book is useless. I’m sure all twentysomethings can find a piece of advice in this book that is relatable, but a only a certain type of twentysomething will be able to relate to all of it.

Overall Rating: 8.5

I really enjoyed this book but as I have mentioned, I very much fall into the intended audience demographic. For those who find themselves in the post-grad struggle, unsure about their current non-career related job, love and relationships, and exactly when they should entertain the idea of children this book is a MUST READ! I do think ALL twentysomethings could stand to read it and learn a thing or two that relates to the uncertainty that comes with our twenties and “making the best” out of them.

What do you think is are MUST READS for twentysomethings? Let me know in the comments!

My Current Favorite Workout Routines

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Hey y’all! I hope you are doing well given the circumstances. This past week I attempted to conduct a Q&A Session on my Instagram stories in order to write a blog full of questions from you all and answers from me. I think next time I want to use my CuriousCat instead because I know some people are shy. If you would like to ask questions anonymously, please see my CuriousCat here. For this round, I only got one question, but it was such a great one! Someone asked me for my “fave workout routines.” I’ve been trying to find my flow for working out at home for the last few weeks and I think I finally found some routines and a schedule I don’t hate. Full disclosure, my dad has always been a super-duper homebody and has some workout equipment that many people might not have at their homes and some of my routines do incorporate that. I also already own resistance loops for booty work and was able to snag some 10lb dumbbells and a yoga mat before things got super crazy, so I use those as well. Find a perfect substitution for you. I also want to say while I do enjoy working out, I am by no means a certified fitness trainer. The only format I am certified is MixxedFit which incorporates dance moves with body weight toning. These are just workouts that work for me, please make sure to look up how to do the moves properly before you attempt any of these routines.

Full Body Workout

I think if you want to get a good workout in, it always a good idea to have one longer workout routine that incorporates various parts of the body. When I was able to go to the gym, full body workouts were my absolute favorite and they still are now that I workout from home. This routine has become my go-to on the days I have more time to dedicate to working out and relaxing afterwards.

First things first, it’s important to warm up before you workout. For my full body workouts I usually workout this way:

  • Resistance Band Walk 30 Secs 2x
  • Resistance Band Hip Adduction 12 reps 2x
  • Resistance Band Kickbacks 12 reps 2x

After warming up I get into the workout:

  • Lateral Raise & Front Raise – Dumbbells (Superset) 10-12 reps 3x (click here for an example) (these are great for when you want to get more of a workout in but use less time)
  • Squats – w/ Dumbbells or Bodyweight 10-12 reps 3x (click here for an example)
  • Seated Overhead Press – Dumbbells 10-12 reps 3x (click here for an example)
  • Bent Over One Arm Row – Dumbbells 10-12 reps 3x each arm (click here for an example)
  • Plank 35 secs 3x

Abs/Core Workout Routine

I have a love/hate relationship with core/ab workouts because mine used to be really strong and I kinda took it for granted and let it fall to the wayside. I used to always skip my core days and just recently started embracing them. Core strength is important because it helps you with your balance in every other type of workout and your overall balance in general. I don’t have examples for these ones but they are all pretty well known in the fitness world.

  • 3 Jumping Jacks or any cardio just to get your heart rate up
  • Side Bend – Dumbbell 10-12 reps 3x
  • Ab Wheel 6 reps 3x:
  • Side Plank 30 secs 3x
  • Russian Twists 10-12 reps 3x
  • Planks 35 secs 3x

Listen, I barely incorporated the ab wheel because I found one in my dad’s workout area and figured what the hell, I’ll try it. I could only do 6 at a time and couldn’t even go all the way out.. The next day I was sore as all hell! I have never been THAT sore in my abdominal area from a workout. This has given something to work towards during this time and by the end of 2020 I want to be able to use it effortlessly. I’m also currently working on my lower body/glutes routine for the days I have to recover from my ab wheel like I did yesterday! I tell my friends all the time I have until mid-2021 to build a booty or I’m gonna buy one and I haven’t decided if I’m kidding yet.

If you are interested in my glutes and lower body routine once I figure it out, leave a comment below and let me know. I will put it on the blog if it’s something people actually want to see.

I hope you enjoyed this post as much as I enjoyed writing it! If you want to participate in my next Q&A blog (or first one rather) write a question on my CuriousCat  or you can leave a comment with a question or any other feedback you’d like. Have a great day!

7 Things You Should Have By The Time You’re 27

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Hey readers! This week I decided to post something birthday-related like I did when I turned 25 (one of my favorite posts, ever!). I talked about it on instagram but I always super excited to turn 27 because the number 27 has literally followed me since I can remember. Many important things, dates, etc. in my life have always been on the 27th or related to the number 27. The point is this birthday is a birthday I was looking forward to for a while. Obviously this year is nothing like I imagined buuut I’m still interested in seeing how 27 plays out.

I wanted to keep this post a little light and playful so while most of these suggestions are super serious and things I believe are needed for overall wellness, some of them are also just me making jokes about things that I like. Here are 7 things I personally think EVERYONE should have by the time they ring in their 27th birthday!

1. Self-Awareness

The other day I had a session with my therapist and I was venting about something (surprise surprise) and I noted how my role in the situation I was talking about. My therapist then gave me one of the best compliments I’ve ever gotten; she said that I was really self-aware. I think the sooner the better when it comes to fostering your self-awareness, but I personally think from age 26 to age 27 is when mine has improved the most.

2. A Solid Group of Best Friends

By no means am I saying that you will have every friend you will ever have or that you will lose every friend you will lose but I definitely think by age 27 you should have your solid group of best friends. I will tell anyone who will listen that I’m a girl’s girl and will literally go to the end of the earth for my friends. Obviously your group of best friends does not have to be one gender, I just don’t have very many male friends in general and definitely not any male best friends.

3. A Core Set of Values

Your values are always changing so this one may be a trick one but I do think by age 27 you should know how to assess your values for that current moment in your life and stick by them no matter one. I remember when I was in undergrad I attended this event and one of the speakers emphasized how important it is to know your values. She said that you have to know your values otherwise you will not know how to navigate making difficult decisions when they arise. If you don’t know your values, you won’t know when to say no to certain opportunities or other things that may go against your values. I think it’s really important to know how to know to do a values inventory by the time you turn 27.

4. A Therapist

First I must address that I know that therapy is nowhere near as accessible as it should be (which sucks) but I do think everyone should try to go to therapy by the time they are 27. Personally, I went from the first time when I was 26 but I definitely wish I had gone way sooner. Having a therapist has been a major game-changer for me. Not only am I able to regulate my emotions better when I’m not in therapy, I don’t have to always be the friend who is venting about my issues when I talk to my friends. I never want to be that person and I think getting a therapist has helped me make sure I am a better friend, daughter, student, and everything else than I was before.

5. Hobbies You Aren’t Trying to Monetize

There was a point in time when I thought I needed to profit off of everything I enjoyed/was good at. Can you blame me? As millennials and Gen Z there is a constant focus on having side hustles. This is due to us trying to make ends meet and the cost of living rising without minimum wage doing the same. Anyways, something you should have by the age of 27 is a hobby that you throuhouly enjoy that doesn’t make you money. I learned over the years that if you try to make money from everything you do you know longer enjoy your hobbies like you used to and it changes the creative process of it all. I do still think it’s important to have a side hustle but everything doesn’t need to be a side hustle.

6. A Go-To Brunch Spot

This is more of a fun suggestion since the rest of the list is pretty serious. I don’t know about y’all but ya girl loves a good brunch. It’s literally a part of my brand at this point, hahaha. As I get older the long nights out at the club shifted to day drinking and in my opinion, brunch is one of the most fun ways to engage in day drinking. If you’re not a big drinker (I’m getting there slowly but surely) brunch food is also just really good and a great meal to eat while catching up with friends! If you and your friends are brunch-enthusiasts, it’s so important to have a brunch recommendation when they go come into town. With all of this being said, I think everybody should have a go-to brunch spot by age 27, especially if you want me to visit you because brunch is my favorite pass time!

7. A Signature Drink When You Go Out

I don’t think that 27 is some old age but it definitely doesn’t feel the same as the youthfulness of 21. I’m not sure exactly when this happened but when I was in my early twenties I could drink whatever I was handed. Now-a-days my body only responds well to certain types of drinks and will go completely insane if I try to drink the forbidden ones (I’m looking at you, vodka shots!). I really do think having a signature drink or a few if you like to switch it up is an important part of being a more sophisticated drinker. There’s something about going up to the bar and already knowing what I’m going to order each time and what I always order that makes me feel more grown, haha!

Of course, it goes without saying that we all enjoy different things and there is no one right* way to be in your late 20s. These are just some of the few things I think everyone should have by the time they are 27, or at least what I’m glad I have now that I’m 27.

What are some things you hope to have by age 27? If you are 27+, what advice do you give to early-20s and mid-20s readers? Sound off in the comments below!

3 Fun and Virtual Ways to Practice Social-Distancing #StayTheFHome

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Hello my amazing readers! I hope you are holding up well. I know last blog post I said I didn’t want to write about the current global pandemic but it’s been brought to my attention that many people are not understanding that we need to practice social distancing right now to flatten the curve. For information on that click here.

As an Aries sun and extrovert queen I am completely aware of how hard it is to stay home and not hang out in person with our friends. However, this entire COVID-19 situation has helped me learn various ways I can hang out with my friends virtually until we are able to leave our homes for more than essentials. These virtual hangouts are a great way to get that social interaction in without putting yourself or others at risk of spreading COVID-19.

Have A Zoom Party

I know, we are over Zoom as many of us are attending Zoom University or Zoom School of Law but listen, Zoom parties/hangouts have been getting me through this entire social-distancing thing! In the past few weeks my friends and I have done everything on Zoom from our school hosting a Virtual Bar Review (Bar Review is a law school event when student organizations  take turns hosting an event at a local bar every week), Wine Wednesday, my birthday party, and a regular Zoom party (ya girl was the DJ). While it’s clearly not the same as going to the bar, it is still a fun time and you get to see everyone’s faces. Group Facetime could also be an option but not everyone has an iPhone and we don’t want exclude our Android using friends. Make sure to have a password for your chats as people have been getting hacked on their Zoom calls.

Host a Movie Night on Netflix Party

I am so upset it took social distancing for me to discover Netflix Party because it is truly a Godsend! One night a group of friends and I watched 3 episodes of Black Mirror (White Christmas, Black Museum, and Hang The DJ for all my Black Mirror Fans out there wondering) and it was literally so much fun. How it works is you download the Netflix Party extension here and then someone invites everyone through a link and all of you can watch the show/movie/whatever you decide to watch synced together at the same time. You can even pause it if some needs to use the bathroom or get some more snacks/wine! I really enjoyed it because there is also a chatbox on the side and you can type your feelings while watching. It’s especially fun when you watch something as crazy as Black Mirror with people who have never seen it before. I am super excited to have more Netflix Watch Parties in the future. This is not only a good tool for social-distancing. My best friend lives in Tulsa and I already know I’m going to plan some movie nights with her from now on, even after this social-distancing life is over. It is also useful for couples in long distance relationships to plan their own version of Netflix & Chill, hahaha! To download Netflix Party extension click here!

Play some Virtual Card Games

You and your friends can play different card games here. I haven’t had the chance to use this particular resource but one of my friends shared it in our group text and it sounded like so much fun. They even have they have their own version of Cards Against Humanity called Remote Insensitivity. Set this up with a separate video chat and it will be a blast. I have yet to use this resource yet but I’m looking forward to doing so on some of the other virtual chats I will have over the next month or two or however long.

These are just a few of the many resources we can use during this social distancing time. I’m sure there are many that I will discover as we continue this practice of staying home and interacting with our friends on their internet. We can also use the good ol’ fasioned Facetime, Skype, Google Hangouts, and other video chats that exist.

Do you have any favorite virtual ways to social-distance and still hang out with your friends? Let me know in the comments below!