An Open Letter To The Gym

Dear Gym,

As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, one of my goals this year is to get more fit. I’ve been trying to achieve this by eating differently and doing at home workouts since I’m currently too broke for even the cheapest of gym memberships (I blame coming owt shows and birthdays). While they have been cool, I simply no longer enjoy working out at home. I hate it. It’s not the same. I don’t know if it’s being around like-minded people trying to reach their fitness goals or the motivation of wanting to be as fit as the fittest motherfck*er there but I totally LOVE you. There is so much you can get out of a gym membership from the machines (I miss the elliptical), to the unlimited weights, to my personal fave, group fitness classes, the sauna, and just the overall vibes. I MISS GOING TO VISIT YOU! I miss everything about you. My home workouts and the mini-gym at my job will have to suffice until I get my first paycheck.

Alot of people don’t know this but you helped me during some of the most stressful periods in my life, gym. When I was worried or anxious, I would lace up my gym shoes, make my way over there, and my troubles dissapeared (even if for a brief moment) as soon as I walked in the gym. All I would be worried about at the gym is making sure I worked out harder than the day before and left everything there in the thirty minutues or hour I would be there. For me, going to the gym is one of the most vital self-care routines I participate in. The mini-gym at my job is better than nothing but I really miss the dance classes at my old gym. 

Soon, I will be back on the market for a new gym that meets all of my needs. I work Monday-Friday so it’ll deinitely be one that offers Zumba or soemthing similar on weekends. Finding the perfect gym is like finding the perfect pair of shoes. I will shop around until I decide what fits me best. Until then, I’ll be dreaming of you old friend. 


An Ex-Gym Junkie, Mara

My Subscription to The Planner Addict Box: February Edition

Last Month I reviewed January’s Box on my blog and since I’m somebody who is aiming to make consistency a theme in my life this year and STILL a planner addict, I have to review this month’s box as well!

January’s box was definitely a tough act to follow! I loved the pink, gold, and sparkles that last month’s box contained and I was waiting for February’s Box from the moment my calendar read February 1st. Okay, I may be being a bit dramatic but I was highly anticipating February’s box after loving January’s Box so much.


Overall Review: This month’s box was a good box, but I definitely think I loved January’s Box a tad bit more. I think that’s just due to my own hang-ups on Month’s and their respective Holiday’s. I would have love to see more pink and red but then again I can respect TPAB for not giving us the typical cliché February theme. This month’s theme was “Planner Love” and they most certainly delivered on that aspect. I think my problem with this month’s box is that it had quite a few things I can’t personally see myself using but I can see how they would be useful to other planner addicts.  This month’s TPAB included: Journaling Cards, Sticker Mini Kit, Washi Tapes, Stamps, Pen, Planner Stencils, and a BONUS: Planner Tips Card

When it comes to my planner, I’m all about stickers and washi tape for the most part. Things like stamps and stencils don’t particularly interest me because for one, I don’t own an ink pad, and for two I don’t have the patience to use stencils. However, that doesn’t mean that somebody somewhere won’t love them. While I wasn’t all in love with everything in February’s box, I do believe that TPAB does an excellent job of trying to accommodate to the different types of planner enthusiasts there are in the world. My personal favorite this month were the two washi tapes, the sticker mini kit, and the bonus item: planner tips card. I also thought the pen was realllly cute because it was pink and gold, which are seemingly my colors of 2017.

I appreciated one of the washi tapes because although it wasn’t red and pink Valentine’s Day themed, it was heart-themed and I can always get behind that for the month of February. The other washi tape felt kinda similar to one of the one’s from last month so I wasn’t all googly-eyed over it.

I liked the stickers because like always they matched the two washi tapes provided and when it comes to a cohesive monthly spread or weekly spread, having a sticker to match that is great. They have definitely gotten the “functional sticker” part of planning down and each month I consider adding a sticker addict box to my planner addict box. I probably will once I start working but I’m not sure because I have two sticker booklets from Michael’s with over 2,000 stickers! What can I say, I’m a sticker addict too.

My final thing I loved about this month was the Planner tips they included. While many of them seem like common sense, I really liked them because the card served as a reminder to me to check my planner more often. I can’t count how many times in the past I have decked out my weekly spread only to let a day or two go past without even glancing at the thing (that may also be because I was unemployed and didn’t really have a strict schedule to adhere to but still). By keeping the tips visible on my desk I was reminded how to use my planner more effectively every day.

All in all, I liked this month’s box and will definitely put everything I loved to use. After this month’s box I’ve decided I’m going to start picking random people to send my unwanted items from the box to (if I don’t feel like taking the effort to utilize them ever). Stay tuned for a potential giveaway!

What is your favorite way to decorate your planner? Are you obsessed with washi-tape and stickers or are stencils and stamps more in your lane? Answer in the comments!

Giving People Their Flowers While They Can Still Smell Them

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This last week or so has been crazy. I haven’t really posted just because I have been going through a lot. Where do I start?
Well, last week I was given troubling news about the state of my Nana’s (maternal grandmother) health that really fucked me up. Without getting into too much detail out of respect to her and my mother, my nana just wasn’t doing well. When I talked to her on the phone she sounded so out of it and not like herself. My mom realized this and told me but I was in denial. “No, she sounds like she always does just a little more tired, she’s tired is all” I tried to convince her as well as myself. I have always struggled with the idea of my loved ones dying. Growing up, the only person I can remember experiencing their passing away was my great-grandmother on my mom’s side but she had a lived a full life and passed peacefully in her home. I wasn’t able to go to the funeral because we are the only ones in my family who live in Vegas and my parents couldn’t afford for all of us to go because I had just gone the summer before. My mom went and I just remember being sad but happy I was able to spend one more summer with grandma Mae-Lee.

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Fast forward to now and I’m really crippled when it comes to the idea of handling people passing away. I think I almost like to try to trick myself into believing that everyone will live forever and obviously that’s not true. I will admit throughout the years I have not been the best granddaughter, or cousin, or sister, or aunt, or even daughter. I haven’t called enough. I went out to Ohio for a little over two months and if I’m being truthful I was probably over it within 3 weeks. I’m being honest with myself because I felt so shitty thinking back to those feelings this past week. Like wow, can I get the fuck over myself and realize that every chance I get to go to Ohio and spend time with my family, especially my grandparents is a blessing. I’m not important enough nor busy enough to not take at least 5 minutes out of my day to call my grandparents and at least talk to everybody else once a week or so. This world and even our country are in some crazy times and I refuse for something to happen to any one of my family members and I can’t remember the last time I called them. The feeling of dread and sadness that overcame me when I saw my mother crying because my nana wasn’t doing well and I thought to myself “I haven’t talked to her in a week or more” is something that I can’t experience ever again.

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I guess I’m just writing this to say, we are never too busy to make time for our loved ones and we should always try make sure everyone we love knows that. At times, I can be self-important and this is the year I’m trying to work on not being that way. We never know when it’ll be too late. At the same time, if a loved one does pass away remember that they knew you loved them, and you can’t always internalize guilt regarding their passing away. They would want you to be happy.

 1,801 miles

the distance between me & all my family that i love.

It’s not a ride down the street

Or even a 5 hour drive

It’s plane rides (which give me anxiety)

It’s missed birthdays, school recitals, football & basketball games.
It’s missed visits to assisted living facilities & only being to able to visit the Hospital via phone call.

“May i speak to the nurses station?”
It’s trying to visit when I’m in town

But Cleveland is a 45 minute drive & 

I don’t have my license yet. 

It’s not wanting to ask your grandpa

For a ride to visit your Nana 

Because he has chemo this week. 
So you stay as long as you can

When he can give you a ride

(but not too late because

he hates driving in the dark)
It’s feeling trapped in the small town life

When you’ve been there two months…
But once you leave

you don’t know if the next time 

You’ll be back is for a funeral
It’s a phone call that says 

“I’m tired” and your heart sinks

To the bottom of your feet
It’s not being able to hug

Your Nana when she’s tired of

Fighting for her life. 
It’s wishing you could do more

Or say more, or stay more, 

stay longer or ask her to.
But how can you ask someone to

Stay longer when longer is never enough?

-when you move away from home | guilt