1,801 miles
the distance between me & all my family that i love.
It’s not a ride down the street
Or even a 5 hour drive
It’s plane rides (which give me anxiety)
It’s missed birthdays, school recitals, football & basketball games.
It’s missed visits to assisted living facilities & only being to able to visit the Hospital via phone call.
“May i speak to the nurses station?”
It’s trying to visit when I’m in town
But Cleveland is a 45 minute drive &
I don’t have my license yet.
It’s not wanting to ask your grandpa
For a ride to visit your Nana
Because he has chemo this week.
So you stay as long as you can
When he can give you a ride
(but not too late because
he hates driving in the dark)
It’s feeling trapped in the small town life
When you’ve been there two months…
But once you leave
you don’t know if the next time
You’ll be back is for a funeral
It’s a phone call that says
“I’m tired” and your heart sinks
To the bottom of your feet
It’s not being able to hug
Your Nana when she’s tired of
Fighting for her life.
It’s wishing you could do more
Or say more, or stay more,
stay longer or ask her to.
But how can you ask someone to
Stay longer when longer is never enough?
-when you move away from home | guilt
The Musings of Mara 