4 Tips For Winning The Battle Against Your Post-Grad Blues

July 29, 2020July 29, 20207 Comments

Post-grad blues are no joke. While not everyone is affected by these feelings of sadness once they graduate, many people are. I know when I graduated I got my degree and said “now what?” I had been in school for the majority of my life, graduated with no job, and really no sense of purpose. Those first 6 months or so were really rough and I felt sad more often than not. I can’t even imagine how 2020 grads are feeling with their ceremonies having been cancelled or online due to the pandemic. However, in today’s post I’m suggesting some things that helped me get through the trying times of battling with post-grad blues and hopefully they will help you too!

Wake-Up and Say Those Affirmations!

The post-grad blues period after graduating can definitely get you down (they don’t call it post-grad blues for nothin’). One way I battled this overwhelming sense of emptiness and lack of purpose was through repeating affirmations to myself every morning when I woke up. While each person has to determine what they want out of life to come up with their own, I think the ones I used during this rough time are definitely a good place to start. I found these at this article here.

I also wrote a blog post about creating your perfect affirmations earlier this year. All that matters is you remind yourself that you are deserving and destined for greatness!

Journal About Your Feelings Towards Being Graduated (and your feelings in general)

For people like myself, it is easy to start feeling down when you are trying to find employment or have too much free time on your hands after graduating. One thing I have made more of a consistent habit is journaling. I try* process all my feelings by journaling at least 3 times a week. When I was unemployed I wrote about how being unemployed made me feel (leave out nothing…even the feelings of worthlessness and sadness). I’ve vented my frustrations and promised myself that I will never take being employed for granted again. While it is usual to complain about one’s job (unless it’s your dream job, which mine is being an attorney so I’m a long ways off), to be ungrateful for one’s job is not good for the soul. In cases where your boss is a jerk it’s different but at the same time, I have always hated being unemployed more than having a job I hate (blame my materialistic desires and FOMO). I hope to look back on my unemployment entries of journal should I ever start hating my jobs (hopefully I won’t).

Find a New Hobby or Invest Time in an Old One

Whether you’ve always loved painting but college got in the way, or you want to learn how to dance salsa, or anything in between you have plenty of time to do it in your down time on the post-grad job search. One thing I started doing again while I was unemployed is reading. One of my goals this year is to read two books a month and it hasn’t been hard thus far considering I didn’t have really anything better to do. Another hobby I dedicated more time to while I was unemployed was blogging. It felt good to be doing things I wanted to do in undergrad that I simply didn’t have the time to do.

Get Off Your Ass and Get Active

Seriously! This one is a good morale booster. Whether I was dancing, working out, going for a walk, jog, or run, dedicating time to working out wasn’t something I did until towards the end of my unemployment/post-grad experience and I wish I had a started sooner. Not only do you have time to figure out what kind of workouts you love, you can find a purpose in setting non-work related goals. One of my goals when I was employed was to walk at least 10,000 steps a day. This doesn’t sound like a lot but there would be days when I was unemployed where I sat around ALL day and barely clocked in 2,000 steps, YIKES! If you’re currently unemployed it doesn’t mean you have to sit around all day and become a sloth (I was guilty of this for a while).

The post-grad “Damn I don’t have a job/I’m done with school” blues are real and it can take over your mind, body, and spirit if you let it. Even if you are employed, being out of school after being in school your whole life is a rough transition for me. I have suffered from the deepest of post-grad blues and it is not pretty. Even if you are employed there are times where you can find yourself missing being in undergrad and carefree. The key to surviving this turbulent transition in life is to happen to it instead of allowing it to happen to you. If you already have a job it can be even easier to get caught up in the motions and find yourself still battling those post-grad blues. Find balance between keeping yourself busy and doing things you love. When you’re unemployed, finding things to occupy your time during your job search (and make sure you are ACTIVELY searching) will make the time in between graduation and being unemployed fly by. You may even walk away from it being more enlightened, educated, and experienced person than the day you got your degree. If you don’t have a job or haven’t taken steps towards career yet, don’t beat yourself up about it. These things take time and there is always a lesson in the struggle! ALWAYS.

(Author’s Note: If you think you suffer from depression or any other mental illness, contact a professional for help. These tips will not cure depression.)

Book Review: The Defining Decade

April 30, 2020April 30, 20201 Comment

There are fewer things as of late that make me happier than chilling in my bed with a book and reading right before I go to sleep. As I mentioned in a previous post, one of my goals this year was to read one book a month, every month. While I can’t say I’ve managed to do that…I am pretty close to having read 7 books so far this year. I decided instead of just reading these books, taking notes, and going on the next book, I wanted to start sharing the books I really liked with my readers by starting a new series dedicated to reviewing books I’ve read. My main focus will be books I believe twenty-somethings should read. That being said, it is more than fitting my first book review is on one of my favorite reads this year “The Defining Decade: Why your twenties matter—and how to make the most of them now” by Meg Jay, PhD.

The thing I enjoyed about this book was how much applicable advice it has for twentysomethings going through the post-grad struggle. From finding a job, to relationships and marriage, and even family planning, this book touches on topics that many of us like to put off as some abstract thing in the distant future when really…the future will be here before we even have time to blink. Okay, I’m being dramatic but that’s only because the author does such a great job of making the reader come to the realization that future is not as far off as we believe (or try to convince ourselves) it to be. Now is the time for us to not get caught up in going with the flow but to actually make plans and lay the foundation for the rest of our lives while we have the least amount of strings (read: life partners, spouses, children) attached, according to Jay. She is a therapist and discusses her various twentysomething year old clients, their struggles, and solutions to the common twentysomething year old’s problems. I like this book because for once, there is a book talking to twentysomethings instead of about us. In this review I will share my three favorite quotes, two criticisms, and one overall review of the book and who I think should read the book.

1. “Shoulds can masquerade as high standards or lofty goals, but they are not the same. Goals direct us from the inside, but shoulds are paralyzing judgments from the outside. Goals feel like authentic dreams while shoulds feel like oppressive obligations.” pg. 47

I particularly enjoy this quote because in the social media age everyone is guilty of comparing ourselves to our peers based on what they are uploading on their profiles, the new job they just got, their engagement announcement, etc. However, as Jay reminds us, thinking we should have these things based on what we see on social media (in the book she is actually talking about Facebook but I think it can apply to all social media we use) is detrimental to our well-being. I really enjoyed the chapter this quote is from.

2. “More and more twentysomethings are careful not to rush into marriage at a young age, yet many do not know what else to consider.” pg. 73

When talking about twentysomethings and relationships (or meaningless hookups) Jay holds no punches. She gets really real about random hookups, cohabitation (living with a partner before being married), and actual marriage. I enjoyed this section because even now I am still guilty of putting off marriage in hopes that it will make for a better marriage but that is not realistic. The chapter on love was a good gut check for me and I’m sure it will be for any twentysomething “living in the moment” when it comes to love and relationships. It also offers suggestions of traits/values that partners should have similarities on before deciding to take the next step, and other stats (which she provides citations for) in regards to loving together before marriage, a list of other things that come up in relationships.

3. “Most twentysomethings can’t write the last sentence of their lives, but when pressed, they usually can identify things they want in their thirties or forties or sixties—or things they don’t want—and work backwards from there.” pg 198 (last page before the epilogue)

I think this was a great quote to end on before the epilogue. Many times the idea of the future can be daunting and overwhelming. However, the beautiful things about our twenties is that we can get really honest with ourselves and decide what it is we truly want our lives to look like and make the changes/take the steps towards doing those things and stop our behaviors that are getting in the way of that. We may not know what our twenties have in store but with some deep reflection and introspection I’m sure we can decide what we at least want our lives to look like when it’s all said and done and Jay reminds us of that.

Criticisms of the book:

Although I honestly love this book very much and it has been one of my favorite reads, that’s not to say the book doesn’t have some flaws. I will be discussing two of them.

1. This book is aimed towards a very specific type of twentysomething: non-married college grads with no kids.

While non-college grads twentysomethings who may or may not have kids could probably take the meat of what is written in Jay’s novel, the novel does work around the fact that our twenties are the best time for us to do x, y, and z because we don’t have children (yet) or aren’t married (yet) and thus doing certain things to advance our careers and lives, etc are easier. I don’t think much of the advice would be as relatable to me if I wasn’t a college grad or at least in college right now. However, the overall theme of the book would be: the twenties set the foundation for the rest of your life. Because let’s face it, they do.

2. This book assumes that every twentysomething wants a (heteronormative) monogamous relationship with children to come soon after marriage.

The times are changing and I know many people, especially women who don’t want children, ever. Even for those who may struggle with fertility, the section on getting older and fertility doesn’t even suggest adoption or anything of the sort, only being mindful of not putting off having children when you are too old. Either way, there is a specific lifestyle in mind when Jay is writing which I think is fine, people should stick to lakes and rivers they’re used to but for those who may not adhere to these things, especially the desire to have children, a good section of the book might be useless. That’s not to say the rest of the book is useless. I’m sure all twentysomethings can find a piece of advice in this book that is relatable, but a only a certain type of twentysomething will be able to relate to all of it.

Overall Rating: 8.5

I really enjoyed this book but as I have mentioned, I very much fall into the intended audience demographic. For those who find themselves in the post-grad struggle, unsure about their current non-career related job, love and relationships, and exactly when they should entertain the idea of children this book is a MUST READ! I do think ALL twentysomethings could stand to read it and learn a thing or two that relates to the uncertainty that comes with our twenties and “making the best” out of them.

What do you think is are MUST READS for twentysomethings? Let me know in the comments!

7 Things You Should Have By The Time You’re 27

April 16, 2020April 16, 2020Leave a comment

Hey readers! This week I decided to post something birthday-related like I did when I turned 25 (one of my favorite posts, ever!). I talked about it on instagram but I always super excited to turn 27 because the number 27 has literally followed me since I can remember. Many important things, dates, etc. in my life have always been on the 27th or related to the number 27. The point is this birthday is a birthday I was looking forward to for a while. Obviously this year is nothing like I imagined buuut I’m still interested in seeing how 27 plays out.

I wanted to keep this post a little light and playful so while most of these suggestions are super serious and things I believe are needed for overall wellness, some of them are also just me making jokes about things that I like. Here are 7 things I personally think EVERYONE should have by the time they ring in their 27th birthday!

1. Self-Awareness

The other day I had a session with my therapist and I was venting about something (surprise surprise) and I noted how my role in the situation I was talking about. My therapist then gave me one of the best compliments I’ve ever gotten; she said that I was really self-aware. I think the sooner the better when it comes to fostering your self-awareness, but I personally think from age 26 to age 27 is when mine has improved the most.

2. A Solid Group of Best Friends

By no means am I saying that you will have every friend you will ever have or that you will lose every friend you will lose but I definitely think by age 27 you should have your solid group of best friends. I will tell anyone who will listen that I’m a girl’s girl and will literally go to the end of the earth for my friends. Obviously your group of best friends does not have to be one gender, I just don’t have very many male friends in general and definitely not any male best friends.

3. A Core Set of Values

Your values are always changing so this one may be a trick one but I do think by age 27 you should know how to assess your values for that current moment in your life and stick by them no matter one. I remember when I was in undergrad I attended this event and one of the speakers emphasized how important it is to know your values. She said that you have to know your values otherwise you will not know how to navigate making difficult decisions when they arise. If you don’t know your values, you won’t know when to say no to certain opportunities or other things that may go against your values. I think it’s really important to know how to know to do a values inventory by the time you turn 27.

4. A Therapist

First I must address that I know that therapy is nowhere near as accessible as it should be (which sucks) but I do think everyone should try to go to therapy by the time they are 27. Personally, I went from the first time when I was 26 but I definitely wish I had gone way sooner. Having a therapist has been a major game-changer for me. Not only am I able to regulate my emotions better when I’m not in therapy, I don’t have to always be the friend who is venting about my issues when I talk to my friends. I never want to be that person and I think getting a therapist has helped me make sure I am a better friend, daughter, student, and everything else than I was before.

5. Hobbies You Aren’t Trying to Monetize

There was a point in time when I thought I needed to profit off of everything I enjoyed/was good at. Can you blame me? As millennials and Gen Z there is a constant focus on having side hustles. This is due to us trying to make ends meet and the cost of living rising without minimum wage doing the same. Anyways, something you should have by the age of 27 is a hobby that you throuhouly enjoy that doesn’t make you money. I learned over the years that if you try to make money from everything you do you know longer enjoy your hobbies like you used to and it changes the creative process of it all. I do still think it’s important to have a side hustle but everything doesn’t need to be a side hustle.

6. A Go-To Brunch Spot

This is more of a fun suggestion since the rest of the list is pretty serious. I don’t know about y’all but ya girl loves a good brunch. It’s literally a part of my brand at this point, hahaha. As I get older the long nights out at the club shifted to day drinking and in my opinion, brunch is one of the most fun ways to engage in day drinking. If you’re not a big drinker (I’m getting there slowly but surely) brunch food is also just really good and a great meal to eat while catching up with friends! If you and your friends are brunch-enthusiasts, it’s so important to have a brunch recommendation when they go come into town. With all of this being said, I think everybody should have a go-to brunch spot by age 27, especially if you want me to visit you because brunch is my favorite pass time!

7. A Signature Drink When You Go Out

I don’t think that 27 is some old age but it definitely doesn’t feel the same as the youthfulness of 21. I’m not sure exactly when this happened but when I was in my early twenties I could drink whatever I was handed. Now-a-days my body only responds well to certain types of drinks and will go completely insane if I try to drink the forbidden ones (I’m looking at you, vodka shots!). I really do think having a signature drink or a few if you like to switch it up is an important part of being a more sophisticated drinker. There’s something about going up to the bar and already knowing what I’m going to order each time and what I always order that makes me feel more grown, haha!

Of course, it goes without saying that we all enjoy different things and there is no one right* way to be in your late 20s. These are just some of the few things I think everyone should have by the time they are 27, or at least what I’m glad I have now that I’m 27.

What are some things you hope to have by age 27? If you are 27+, what advice do you give to early-20s and mid-20s readers? Sound off in the comments below!

How To Handle Life When Life Is Kicking Your Ass

February 20, 2020February 20, 20201 Comment

There’s something about the dust settling from January (which always feels like an entire year in a month) that has made February particularly rough this year. In the short time that 2020 has been here I’ve already had quite a few wins. I’ve also taken quite a few L’s. Last week I took my first “mental health day” and didn’t class because my anxiety was very high and I got very overwhelmed. Don’t get me wrong, I love my law school but law school as a whole is hard as hell. Every semester is mentally, emotionally, and spiritually challenging, in their own different ways.

While not everyone is in law school like me, life is still hard for everyone in different ways. In certain points in time it can be outright horrible. This being said, I have gathered some tips for dealing with life when it’s kicking your ass.

Cry

Okay so I don’t know about you, reader…but I love to cry. I try not to cry often but when shit gets too real, I definitely let the tears fall where they may. Sometimes a good cry is necessary to move on from a failure and keep it pushing. While I don’t recommend crying every day if life is rough (probably talk to somebody if you are crying everyday), a good cry every so often is cathartic. So if you feel like life is kicking you around let it out and then do the rest of these steps.

Declutter

I’m one of those people where my room reflects the current state of my life. If my room is a mess, 9/10 my life is also a mess and I need to get it together fast. Sometimes when life is doing me dirty I get a release out of throwing away things that I don’t need and straightening up my room. There is something about cleaning your room that makes you feel (at least for a little bit) that you have your shit together. If life feels like it’s spiraling out of your control, take control of your space to gain a sense of that control back.

Unplug

If anyone is familiar with sulking and scrolling through social media when I feel sad, it’s me. However, in the past few months I’ve noticed that this doesn’t help me feel any better and if anything, it sometimes makes me feel worse. As a blogger/aspiring influencer I do value transparency with my followers when I’m going through a rough time but sometimes the best thing to do is to just let people know life is kicking your ass and that you’re going to take some time to unplug and disappear. I’ve been doing this lately and it is so much better for my emotional health.

Write

Make sure you use a pen and paper to do so. Y’all know I always talking about journaling but writing out your feelings when life gets rough is a good way to process exactly how you are feeling. Once you write about your feelings, you are better able to know how and why you feel the way you do and possibly brainstorm ideas for progress. I personally recommend making journaling a habit so that you can regulate your emotions better. I notice that when I don’t journal regularly, my mood is all over the place.

Exercise

I know I know. Who has time to exercise when life is already kicking your ass? Sounds contradictory I’m sure but it’s not. Exercise gives you endorphins and is also another way you can practice control in an area of your life. You would be surprised how much better you feel even after only 1 hour of exercise. Any time I feel overwhelmed I find myself going to the gym. I felt amazing afterwards and had a clearer head to know what to do moving forward.

Adjust

If what you’re doing isn’t working, adjust some things around to see if something else will work. Life is a complicated thing and sometimes even the most minor adjustments can have a butterfly effect on the quality of our lives. I made some big adjustments to my school and personal schedule to try and achieve the results I wanted for the rest of the year when I felt like life was just messing me up. Sometimes life really is out of our control and nothing we can do will change certain things. In these moments, I recommend just adjusting your mindset. It’s very cliché but often times at least finding one positive aspect of life that we are grateful for will help us in hard times of our lives.

Life can be really hard. The last year or so has be really difficult, personally. However, by doing these things I’ve been able to get myself out of a funk from time to time while life kicking my ass every so often. The main thing to make sure you do is to take time for yourself and relax.

What do you do when life gets overwhelming? Let me know in the comments!

An Open Letter to 2019 Me

January 23, 2020January 23, 2020Leave a comment

Dear 2019 Mara,

Hey girl, it’s Future Mara here. Fill up your hydroflask and get comfy because I can already tell you this one is going to be a doozy.

First of all, congratulations on surviving 2018 because we both know how badly it kicked our ass. Whew, I wouldn’t wish our 2018 on our worst enemy (obviously we don’t have one because we barely have time to get enough sleep, do all of our readings for school, maintain a gym schedule, and not burst into tears at the drop of a dime but you get what I mean), it was rough! But you survived it girl so go ahead and give yourself a round of applause for that alone. I’m happy to report that 2019 was better but by no means was it easy. 2019 is going to teach you some lessons that quite frankly are well overdue and ya need to learn em, so that’s great. Love that for you!

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The most important thing you’re going to walk away from 2019 being grateful that you learned is that until you take care of your mental health, literally every other thing in your life is not going to go well. Ya semester? You’re gonna struggle. Your health and fitness goals? Well sis how are you gonna thrive in health in fitness if you don’t know how to manage your stress and anxiety? Hmm, riddle me that? You know you’ve wanted to talk to someone since 2016 when you started having all those anxiety/panic attacks so just call who you need to call to set up the appointment. Stop being scared. You’re not going to listen until Fall semester but only because the world literally feels like it’s closing in on you but better late than never. Next time don’t put off what you know you need you need to do, even if it’s scary.

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Another way to lower your stress this year? Mind your damn business and be a little bit more selfish. I know you have always wanted to be the person who prioritizes others and being there for everyone but this just ain’t your season for that sis. As a matter of fact, this just isn’t how you’re going to want to live anymore after this year. Even as I sit here and type this I’m a little bit uncomfortable writing it but you have GOT to be more selfish with your time, especially your down time. Stop showing up for people who have consistently proven that the relationship is mostly one sided. It’s not even about doing things and expecting something in return but true relationships consist of two people who value and respect each other. How can someone value you when they only pop up when it’s convenient for that? Obviously extend grace to people because we never know what they have going on but that doesn’t mean you can keep investing so much in one-sided relationships. Take inventory on the purpose of each relationship in your life and adjust your expectations and behavior accordingly.

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Some people are going to be shitty this year (because that’s human nature) and you will probably do one or two shitty things too, whether or not that is your intention. Remember to not take things personally but be self-aware enough to know when you fucked up and need to apologize. How people act is usually a reflection of what they have going on but sometimes YOU are the problem and it’s only a problem if you refuse to acknowledge it and do better in the future. You’re growing and becoming more self-aware this year but that’s not going to happen until you learn some lessons.

This year is going to be full of so much greatness! It’s also gonna have some sucky moments but it’s okay…you will overcome them like you always do boo. So just go out there and live your best life!

Sincerely,

Future Mara aka 2020 Mara

A Guide To Alcohol-Free Fun For Twentysomethings

March 10, 2019February 18, 20191 Comment

The other day I was talking to some of my friends and one of them said something that has been stuck in my mind. She said “I need to find hobbies or things to do that don’t involve alcohol.” Ironically enough, this was after we had spent the day at a bottomless mimosa brunch and we’re getting ready to start pre-gaming to go out, but she had a point. I realized that many millennial and generation Z-ers, myself included, usually socialize when there is something involving alcohol. Well, as I dive further into my health + fitness journey, only socializing with my friends if we are drinking doesn’t really align with my current goals. This inspired me to write this post about activities we can do that don’t involve alcohol.

Host a Breakfast Party

Just think, brunch, without the mimosas (or the overpriced french toast). While, in my humble opinion, mimosas may or may not be the best part of brunch for some, breakfast food is also a star on it’s own. On NYE some friends and I cooked our own brunch (and added mimosas) and then sat down and talked about our goals for the New Year and other things. It was honestly so much better than trying to have conversation at a crowded brunch restaurant trying to see how many you can drink in the two hour limit. Even without the mimosas, I’m sure it would have been fun to have the breakfast without mimosas. Each friend can be assigned a dish (the friends who can’t cook can cut up fruit or something) and then you can enjoy the meal you all helped contribute to. This can also apply to lunch or dinner if breakfast is not your thing.

Get Active

Whether it’s going on a hike, snowboarding, taking a group fitness class, or even a pole dancing class, participating in exercise with your friends can be so fun, especially if it’s activity you or your friends have never participated in before (these make for the best stories). I especially enjoy hiking with other people because you usually don’t have service on mountains and allows your friend group to have great unplugged conversations about everything in life.

Channel Your Inner Artist (or crafter)

One of the things I missed about being in undergrad with my sorority sisters is the many arts and crafts nights we had whenever recruitment or some other equally important event was around the corner. A good way to hang out with your friends sans alcohol is letting your creative juices flow. Whether it be a vision board party, paint night, or whatever else, arts and crafts bring people together. If it’s one of the holidays you can also incorporate that into your night in with friends. Halloween? Carve or paint (my personal fave of the two options) pumpkins. Celebrate Christmas? Have a Gingerbread house decorating contest.

Go Volunteer

Giving back to your community is a great way to build friendships and feel good about yourself. Instead of having a hangover, you will feel happy that you helped a greater cause. Some ideas are soup kitchens, pet shelters, or even helping set up a 5K. Google community service opportunities in your city for more fun ideas.

I’m sure there are many other things you can do with your friends and without alcohol. My friends personally love to go out to eat together but I wasn’t going to list that because it’s probably the most common thing friends do besides going out to drink. Go out (or stay in) with your friends and get started on these activities. I’m sure you’ll have a blast!

Is there something you do with your friends that doesn’t involve alcohol that I didn’t list here? Let me know in the comments! I’m always open for more activities to do.

9 Tips For Having A Kickass 2019

January 20, 2019January 20, 20191 Comment

We’ve all heard the same old phrase in regards to starting a new year. Many of our friend rush to social media to exclaim “new year, new me!” It’s basically become a running joke on Twitter, Instagram, and even Facebook at this point. While many people find this to be ridiculous, I do think new years can serve as a good time to start fresh. I don’t personally believe in “new year, new me” but I can totally get behind “new year, new habits” or at least that what’s I’M trying to incorporate into my 2019. My goal of establishing some new habits for the New Year inspired this post. Here’s my list of what YOU should do to make sure you have a KICK ASS 2019.

Do Something for YOURSELF, Every Day

2019 is the year of making sure we take care of ourselves! No more putting ourselves and our joy in the backseat on the journey of this thing called life. This year I challenge you to make time for yourself every day. Even if it’s only ten minutes of reading a fiction novel you’ve been trying to read for the last few months or five minutes of meditation, take time for YOURSELF. Your year will be so much better if you commit to this one goal.

Express GRATITUDE As Often As Possible

I’m not sure about you but I’m someone who believe that The Universe gives us whatever it is we are focusing on (Law of Attraction anyone?) I noticed that last year I had really good experiences when I made expressing gratitude for the things I had or were going to have. When I focused on what I didn’t have, it left me always needing more. One way I like to express gratitude is telling people that I appreciate something they have done for me. Not only do I get to express gratitude, but they also feel appreciate and sometimes that’s enough to brighten someone’s whole day.

Speak and Write Things Into Existence

The power of our words is powerful. Over the last two years I have been very mindful over not speaking negatively over my life. Not saying that I’m perfect and only say positive things but it is something that I try to practice as often as I can. The strength of the written word is powerful as well. There have been many times I have manifested my wants by speaking them out loud or by writing them over and over in my journal. Pro-Tip: you MUST believe what you are saying is possible and you must do the work as well. Faith without works is dead, okay?!

Practice The Art of Brain-Dumping

If you’re anything like me your brain is like a computer with 20 tabs open all at once. This sometimes makes focusing on one thing during the day impossible and even more impossible at night when my thoughts are free to wander. One way I have cut down the tossing and turning at night as I try to fall asleep while also contemplating what I would have said in that conversation I had three days ago is by brain-dumping. A brain dump is when you have a blank sheet of paper and just write down everything that’s on your mind thus dumping it out of your head and onto the paper. Sometimes this sparks a need to journal but often times just getting it out is helpful and allows me to focus on whatever I was trying to do. By getting in the habit of doing a brain-dump whenever you find yourself struggling to focus, you will be able to be more productive with your thoughts and time.

Take Care of Your Body and Your Skin

Whenever I tell people to take care of their bodies the first thing they think of is working out. While working out is one way to take care of your body, it’s not the only way. One of the most obvious ways is by being mindful of what you eat. I’m not saying you should only eat kale and acai but incorporating more veggies into your diet can’t hurt. Often times taking care of our bodies is the complete opposite of working out and we need more rest or to simply stretch. Your skin covers your entire body so taking care of your skin is important too. If you wear make-up, make sure you take it completely off before bed. Change your sheets and pillow cases often. Drinking water can have some benefits on your skin too, so I’ve heard, which brings me to my next point…

Drink MORE Water

THIS YEAR WE ARE STAYING HYDRATED, PERIOD. If you are one of those people who “doesn’t like water” or doesn’t drink water…please love yourself. Sorry I’m not trying to be judgey but water is an important part of our well-being. Our bodies are mostly made up of water and if you are dehydrated it is impossible for you to being functioning at your highest potential. Yes it’s annoying to have to pee every 20 minutes but once your body gets used to it that won’t happen anymore. Also, drinking more water keeps you from mindlessly snacking sometimes so it’s a double win!

Mind Your Business

My quality of life improved so much when I stopped worrying about wtf other people were doing. I can’t really pin point exactly when that was but it’s the truth. Honestly minding your business can go past not engaging in gossip or whatever else. Minding your business means not comparing yourself to your friends or random strangers on instagram. Comparison is the thief of joy and judging others won’t make you better than them or make you any money, so just don’t do it this year, or ever.

Show Up and Show OUT

Last but certainly not least is SHOW UP AND SHOW OUT. This can have many meanings but when I say this I mean be present when you are doing things. If you go out to dinner with friends, focus your attention on spending time with them in the moment. If you have a job interview be on time and be confident. When you engage in your creative endeavors give it everything you’ve gotten. We are leaving being distracted and uninspired in 2018. Say bye bye to self-doubt and know that you are BOMB all 2019. If you approach your year with this attitude I’m 95% sure your year will be more enjoyable.

Get MORE Sleep

I’m going to keep this one short: you can’t be your best self if you are sleepy or relying on caffeine to function. Similarly to how we need water, our bodies neeeeed a certain amount of sleep to live up to our full potential. Our culture romanticizes “I’ll sleep when I die” type of attitude and honestly that is so bad for us. Get some fucking sleep.

While the New Year can be a great time to start anew and build better habits, keep in mind neither Rome nor Beyoncé were built in a day. Don’t beat yourself up about it if you don’t succeed at adapting these overnight. Practice and consistency are going to be the determining factor of if you can establish these lifelong habits for a better year and hopefully an overall better quality of life. Now get out there and KICK SOME ASS!

Which of these habits are you looking forward into incorporating into your daily life? Which ones do you already do? Sound off in the comments!

Why 2018 Was The Best And Worst Year Of My Life

December 30, 2018January 4, 2019Leave a comment

Wow. I can’t believe it’s already the end of this year. It feels like just yesterday I was at some random bar with my best friend bringing in the New Year for 2018. We drank champagne, through back shots, and danced the night away. I woke up the next morning a little hungover and met another friend for some pho and sprite (my age old hangover remedy from undergrad). Like most years, I had no idea what 2018 had in store for me when the countdown ended and the fireworks began.

The idea for this post came from a video I saw of Ariana Grande accepting the Woman of the Year Award at the Billboard Women In Music 2018 event. In her speech, Ariana said “I find it interesting that this has been one of the best years of my career and the worst of my life” and I felt that shit in my spirit. This year was one of the best and worst years of my life, ALL at once. Before I heard Ariana’s speech, I hadn’t really taken the time to reflect on how insane this year actually was.

This year had some great moments like me hiring a trainer and taking my health and fitness seriously, applying to law school, getting into law school, getting a full tuition scholarship for law school, turning 25, going to Coachella for the first time, going to the Dominican Republic with one of my closest sorority sisters, and was featured on my good friend Daniel’s podcast. All in all, some of best memories will come from this year.

However, this year also consisted of my Nana passing away less than a week after Coachella (which was enough on its own to make this this year the worst year of my life), falling off the health and fitness wagon when she passed away because I was sad and out of town for a while, starting law school and falling off the health and fitness wagon again, failing my first midterm, my anxiety coming back full force for the first time since undergrad, feelings of inadequacy throughout the semester, the worst finals season of my life, and a bunch of other shit I don’t feel like getting into.

Looking back at everything, I did have a great year but I would be lying if I said that I was always focused on the positive while I was living through it. There are still days when I get really down, especially when I wish I could call my nana and tell her just how much harder law school is than we expected. Some days I really do have to remind myself that the struggles I’m going through now are the things I used to pray for before they happened. While I’m happy for all 2018 taught me, I’m happy to kiss it goodbye, take the lessons I’ve learned, and hopefully* have a great 2019.

How was your year this year? Let me know in the comments

Goal Check: End of the 2nd Quarter of the Year (Apr-June)

July 8, 2018July 8, 2018Leave a comment

The month of June end a little bit ago which means that we are now 1/2 way through the year. Just as I checked in with myself and my goals at the end of quarter one, I will be seeing where I’m at now that quarter 2 is over. Now is the perfect time to reflect on what has worked this first half of the year and what needs to change. Y’all know I’m always trying to 100 dif things so I’m just going to focus on the main goals I have.

Travel out of the country:

I am officially going out of the country for the first time since after my EuroTrip when I graduated high school (not including Tijuana). I’m going to the Dominican Republic for about a week later this month! I will definitely be writing about this experience once I get back and having time to settle so make sure you keep your eyes peeled for that!

Save $2,000 in a savings account

Okay so I’m not ashamed to say I suuuuuck at saving money but that’s mostly because I spend all my money on doing hoodrat shit with friends, and having a trainer! Lmao. Once I start school I want to be more conscious on being financially literate and establishing savings account. I think for the rest of the Summer I’m going to save a little bit of each check. If you have any tips for saving money let me know!

Lose fat & gain muscle:

I’ve made some decent progress on this goal since my quarter 1 check-in. Honestly, all things considered with my grandmother passing away back in April, I’m proud of myself for not turning to food for comfort, which I would have done in the past. I have been killing it at the gym and follow my meal plan 80% of the time or so. I’ve only lost about 5ish lbs since April but I feel myself getting stronger and I lost some body fat %. I think I’m on track to hit my first major goal weight for the end of 2018

Take my blog to the next level:

My blog has NOT been a priority for me since April and I’m okay with it. I don’t have regrets about putting my blog on the back burner once my life got crazy. The gym became my outlet so all I have been doing is going to work and working out. I’m just getting back in the hang of writing and managing my instagram so we’ll see where I’m at once quarter 2 is over.

Read one book every month:

I have read 2 other books since quarter 1 ended, both which I enjoyed a lot. In April I read The Mastery of Love by don Miguel Ruiz and Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes. I recommend both to everybody. I want to write a review on both of them but we shall see how that goes.

Get my driver’s license and a car:

This hasn’t been a priority this quarter so no progress has been made on it. I’m going to have my license by the end of this summer. However, I’m not really sure about the car. We’ll see.

All things considered for how HARD life came at me in April, I’m proud of myself for at least staying on track with my health + fitness and doing everything I needed to do to go out of the country. I also read 2 out of the 3 books I wanted to read so that’s I’m happy about that to. I do want to get back on track with my blog but I still have 6 months to make it happen. Quarter 3 check-in I will have made some progress on that goal for sure. Overall, I’m happy and that’s what matters.

What are some goals you set for yourself at the beginning of the year? What goals have you made progress on? What goals could use improvement? Leave me a comment and let’s talk about it!

25 Things I’ve Learned in 25 Years

April 8, 2018April 12, 20187 Comments

This weekend I turned 21, I mean 25 years old. Wow. If you had told me this is where I’d be at in life at 25 I wouldn’t have believed you but HERE I AM. While my life has been pretty good so far, I have had a lot of low moments too. I decided that for my 25th birthday I was going to share 25 things I’ve learned in these 25 years of life. Most of these lessons came from my earlier 20s. Some of them you may have read on lists similar to this but I’m going to give a little insight on to why these lessons are important to me.

Me at 107 SkyLounge for my 25th birthday

1. Focus on who shows up for you, not who doesn’t: It’s so easy to focus on who didn’t go to your birthday party, or that really cool speaking event you told your friends about 10 times, or whatever else but honestly the quality of my life improved so much when I just focused on being thankful towards those who did show up instead of pissed at those who didn’t. You never know what people have going on.

2. You aren’t the center of the universe: Yes, I know this seems so painfully obvious but I will be the first to admit that I am guilty of thinking things that important to me are important to everybody. This isn’t true. Honestly with the exception of your parents (not even always), your close friends, your lover(s), and a few others, most people don’t give a fuck about you. Once you realize this, life is a little easier.

3. Do whatever the fuck you want to do while you’re young (safely): One thing I wish I had did before I had to come to the “REAL” world is have more fun. Granted, I had a lot of fun in undergrad but I know I would have had more if I told myself yes for more things than parties. I should have taken a two week trip backpacking through some random place haha. Not to say I can’t do these things now but it’s harder when you have loans to pay off and stuff. So yeah, if there is something you really want to do, DO IT. (except smoke crack, pls don’t do that.)

4. Don’t doubt your greatness: If I had a dollar for every thing I didn’t do/apply for because I didn’t think I was capable of doing it, I could retire and live a lavish life full of travel and mojitos. Okay I might be exaggerating but I could buy something nice. Honestly, I’m still learning to embrace rejection and not feeling inadequate.

5. Therapy is not just for “crazy people”, it’s for everyone: One thing I want to do this year is find a therapist. Now that I know I will be living in Vegas permanently, I want to get a therapist who meets my qualifications here. Often in minorities communities seeing a therapist is for “crazy people” but there is only so much “venting” your friends can take from you. Sometimes, you need to see a professional.

6. Avoiding being vulnerable will do more harm to you than it will protect you: This kind of ties into my fear of rejection as well. While I don’t believe I missed out on anyone I was destined to spend my life with, I know many of my past relationships were damaged by me being afraid to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness.

7. Being judgmental of others doesn’t make you any better than them: This is a straight-forward lesson. Don’t judge others.

8. Sometimes the way people act towards you is usually about them, not you: This is a relatively new lesson I’ve learned about others and about myself. This simply put in the quote “Hurt people hurt people.” Usually if somebody is unwarrantedly rude towards you, they have some other shit going on.

9. Letting yourself feel your emotions is important: There is a growing culture of “good vibes only” and while I do believe it is important to focus on the positive, you still have to let yourself feel the not so good feelings when they arise. They key is to not dwell on them.

10. Tell people how you feel about them: If you’ve ever had somebody randomly acknowledge you and all you do out of nowhere then you know how good that makes you feel. Do that for others. Also, if someone did something to upset you, let them know. Harboring those feelings will just lead to resentment and frustration.

11. Don’t loan people money you can’t afford to never get back: No matter HOW much you trust someone or how little bit of the amount, DO NOT lend people money if you NEED them to pay you back for your finances to be okay. You never know if people will be able to pay you back so just don’t lend it if you can’t afford to never see it again.

12. Find a workout you love to do and never stop doing it: In our younger years it is really important we focus on living a healthy lifestyle to try and avoid consequences of an unhealthy lifestyle in our older years. Exercising releases endorphins and those make you feel good. You will be more motivated to consistently workout if you love the workout you’re doing.

13. Call your grandparents often: When my grandfather passed away last year one thing I could be at peace with was that I talked to him regularly. I can’t say I called him every day and sometimes a week or so would go by but I can say when he died I didn’t have a guilty conscience about not talking to him enough. I was the last person who spoke to him on the phone the night he passed.

14. Make sure you call your friends just to see how they are doing not to talk about yourself: Don’t be the self-centered friend who only calls people to vent about their problems. It’s annoying and people will eventually get over your one-sided friendships. Call (not text because sometimes that shit takes too long) your friends and see how they are. Check in with them. You’d be surprised what people are holding in until somebody asks “how are you?”

15. Always return phone calls and reply to your e-mails: It’s the professional thing to do. You want to build these habits before you enter the actual work force where an e-mail that isn’t responded to can lead to being reprimanded.

16. Sometimes all you need for a better mood is a good night’s sleep: “I’ll sleep when I die” is tired (no pun intended.) Get some damn rest. You would be surprised how much more pleasant your days are when you getting enough sleep. If only somebody had told me this in undergrad (or if I had listened).

17. Unless people ask you for your advice don’t give it to them: Honestly, save your breath. People are going to do what they want to and sometimes unsolicited advice can be annoying. If people don’t ask, don’t tell them what you think they should do. I still struggle with this one.

18. It’s okay to remove yourself from one-sided relationships: I used to be the person that felt I needed to be there for everybody but when I evaluated tough times in my life I could count on two hands who was there for me. Focus your energy on those relationships, not people who always take.

19. Go to the doctor at least once a year for a check-up: DO THIS, no explanation needed. You gotta stay on top of your health, even if you hate the doctor’s office like me.

20. Be mindful of what you say and do in front of children, they are always watching: I hear the craziest things when at work (as a substitute teacher and day camp counselor). You would be surprised how much kids soak up from adults and repeat.

21. Perfection doesn’t exist, just try your best: Don’t beat yourself up about not being perfect, literally NOBODY is. It’s okay. (Mostly a note to self).
22. Don’t get caught up on planning something and the small insignificant details, make a choice and focus on execution: As a creative this is one of the most important things I’ve learned. Nobody gives a shit if you use font one or font two, just pick one and move along.

23. Procrastination is self-sabotage, cut the shit and get it done: Calling all undergrads, grad students, and creatives: Don’t procrastinate. If you “work well under pressure” think how great something could have been if you gave it the time it deserved.

24. People can love you even if you don’t love yourself but you won’t be able to accept their love: I’m sure I’ve had many people who loved me or at least cared about me deeply that I couldn’t handle at the time because I hadn’t learned how to love myself and think I was worthy of it, thus pushing them away and making it a self-fulfilling prophecy.
25. Love yourself: Self-love is important. Love yourself, flaws and all and forgive yourself for anything you need forgiveness for.
I hope you enjoyed reading the things I’ve learned about myself and others in my 25 years on planet Earth. If you related to any of these or found it helpful, please share it on your social media!

Is there a lesson you think every twentysomething should know that I left out? I’m always open to learning more. Share it in the comments!