25 Things I’ve Learned in 25 Years

This weekend I turned 21, I mean 25 years old. Wow. If you had told me this is where I’d be at in life at 25 I wouldn’t have believed you but HERE I AM. While my life has been pretty good so far, I have had a lot of low moments too. I decided that for my 25th birthday I was going to share 25 things I’ve learned in these 25 years of life. Most of these lessons came from my earlier 20s. Some of them you may have read on lists similar to this but I’m going to give a little insight on to why these lessons are important to me.

Me at 107 SkyLounge for my 25th birthday

1. Focus on who shows up for you, not who doesn’t: It’s so easy to focus on who didn’t go to your birthday party, or that really cool speaking event you told your friends about 10 times, or whatever else but honestly the quality of my life improved so much when I just focused on being thankful towards those who did show up instead of pissed at those who didn’t. You never know what people have going on.

 

2. You aren’t the center of the universe: Yes, I know this seems so painfully obvious but I will be the first to admit that I am guilty of thinking things that important to me are important to everybody. This isn’t true. Honestly with the exception of your parents (not even always), your close friends, your lover(s), and a few others, most people don’t give a fuck about you. Once you realize this, life is a little easier.

 

3. Do whatever the fuck you want to do while you’re young (safely): One thing I wish I had did before I had to come to the “REAL” world is have more fun. Granted, I had a lot of fun in undergrad but I know I would have had more if I told myself yes for more things than parties. I should have taken a two week trip backpacking through some random place haha. Not to say I can’t do these things now but it’s harder when you have loans to pay off and stuff. So yeah, if there is something you really want to do, DO IT. (except smoke crack, pls don’t do that.)

 

4. Don’t doubt your greatness: If I had a dollar for every thing I didn’t do/apply for because I didn’t think I was capable of doing it, I could retire and live a lavish life full of travel and mojitos. Okay I might be exaggerating but I could buy something nice. Honestly, I’m still learning to embrace rejection and not feeling inadequate.

 

5. Therapy is not just for “crazy people”, it’s for everyone: One thing I want to do this year is find a therapist. Now that I know I will be living in Vegas permanently, I want to get a therapist who meets my qualifications here. Often in minorities communities seeing a therapist is for “crazy people” but there is only so much “venting” your friends can take from you. Sometimes, you need to see a professional.

 

6. Avoiding being vulnerable will do more harm to you than it will protect you: This kind of ties into my fear of rejection as well. While I don’t believe I missed out on anyone I was destined to spend my life with, I know many of my past relationships were damaged by me being afraid to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness.

 

7. Being judgmental of others doesn’t make you any better than them: This is a straight-forward lesson. Don’t judge others.

 8. Sometimes the way people act towards you is usually about them, not you: This is a relatively new lesson I’ve learned about others and about myself. This simply put in the quote “Hurt people hurt people.” Usually if somebody is unwarrantedly rude towards you, they have some other shit going on.

9. Letting yourself feel your emotions is important: There is a growing culture of “good vibes only” and while I do believe it is important to focus on the positive, you still have to let yourself feel the not so good feelings when they arise. They key is to not dwell on them.

10. Tell people how you feel about them: If you’ve ever had somebody randomly acknowledge you and all you do out of nowhere then you know how good that makes you feel. Do that for others. Also, if someone did something to upset you, let them know. Harboring those feelings will just lead to resentment and frustration.

11. Don’t loan people money you can’t afford to never get back: No matter HOW much you trust someone or how little bit of the amount, DO NOT lend people money if you NEED them to pay you back for your finances to be okay. You never know if people will be able to pay you back so just don’t lend it if you can’t afford to never see it again.

12. Find a workout you love to do and never stop doing it: In our younger years it is really important we focus on living a healthy lifestyle to try and avoid consequences of an unhealthy lifestyle in our older years. Exercising releases endorphins and those make you feel good. You will be more motivated to consistently workout if you love the workout you’re doing.

13. Call your grandparents often: When my grandfather passed away last year one thing I could be at peace with was that I talked to him regularly. I can’t say I called him every day and sometimes a week or so would go by but I can say when he died I didn’t have a guilty conscience about not talking to him enough. I was the last person who spoke to him on the phone the night he passed.

14. Make sure you call your friends just to see how they are doing not to talk about yourself: Don’t be the self-centered friend who only calls people to vent about their problems. It’s annoying and people will eventually get over your one-sided friendships. Call (not text because sometimes that shit takes too long) your friends and see how they are. Check in with them. You’d be surprised what people are holding in until somebody asks “how are you?”

15. Always return phone calls and reply to your e-mails: It’s the professional thing to do. You want to build these habits before you enter the actual work force where an e-mail that isn’t responded to can lead to being reprimanded.

16. Sometimes all you need for a better mood is a good night’s sleep: “I’ll sleep when I die” is tired (no pun intended.) Get some damn rest. You would be surprised how much more pleasant your days are when you getting enough sleep. If only somebody had told me this in undergrad (or if I had listened).

17. Unless people ask you for your advice don’t give it to them: Honestly, save your breath. People are going to do what they want to and sometimes unsolicited advice can be annoying. If people don’t ask, don’t tell them what you think they should do. I still struggle with this one.

18. It’s okay to remove yourself from one-sided relationships: I used to be the person that felt I needed to be there for everybody but when I evaluated tough times in my life I could count on two hands who was there for me. Focus your energy on those relationships, not people who always take.

19. Go to the doctor at least once a year for a check-up: DO THIS, no explanation needed. You gotta stay on top of your health, even if you hate the doctor’s office like me.

20. Be mindful of what you say and do in front of children, they are always watching: I hear the craziest things when at work (as a substitute teacher and day camp counselor). You would be surprised how much kids soak up from adults and repeat.

21. Perfection doesn’t exist, just try your best: Don’t beat yourself up about not being perfect, literally NOBODY is. It’s okay. (Mostly a note to self).
22. Don’t get caught up on planning something and the small insignificant details, make a choice and focus on execution: As a creative this is one of the most important things I’ve learned. Nobody gives a shit if you use font one or font two, just pick one and move along.

23. Procrastination is self-sabotage, cut the shit and get it done: Calling all undergrads, grad students, and creatives: Don’t procrastinate. If you “work well under pressure” think how great something could have been if you gave it the time it deserved.

24. People can love you even if you don’t love yourself but you won’t be able to accept their love: I’m sure I’ve had many people who loved me or at least cared about me deeply that I couldn’t handle at the time because I hadn’t learned how to love myself and think I was worthy of it, thus pushing them away and making it a self-fulfilling prophecy.
25. Love yourself: Self-love is important. Love yourself, flaws and all and forgive yourself for anything you need forgiveness for.
I hope you enjoyed reading the things I’ve learned about myself and others in my 25 years on planet Earth. If you related to any of these or found it helpful, please share it on your social media!

Is there a lesson you think every twentysomething should know that I left out? I’m always open to learning more. Share it in the comments! 

Goal Check: End of the First Quarter of the Year (Jan-Mar)

The month of March just ended which means that we are 1/4 through 2018. Wow. Time is a flying by! Due to us being 3 months into the year, I decided to check-in on where I’m at with my goals. Now is the perfect time to reflect on what has worked this year and what hasn’t. There are 9 months left in the year which is more than enough time to learn from my errors and still accomplish my goals before the year is over. I have many, many different goals that have sprouted from 8 main ones so I’m going to just tap into some of those 8.

  1. Get my driver’s license and a car: i have not made any substantial progress on this goal besides looking at cars. This is first on this list but the list is in no particular order. This first 3 months I’ve been focusing on getting my health and fitness in order, applying to law school, and paying off my credit card. That brings me to my next goal.
  2. Pay off my credit card debit: So far I have paid a little over $600 into my credit card debt, which is about where I wanted to be by this time of the year. However, my goals regarding this have changed. I’m now more focused on saving money to go out of the country this summer. I will still be making payments on my credit card but not as aggressively as I was.
  3. Save $2,000 in a savings account: It has been hard to establish a savings account so far this year. I’ve noticed I’m really bad at it haha. I have a small amount. I also need to open another savings account because anything I have in this one is going towards my trip this Summer!
  4. Start Law School: This goal is happening! I was admitted into UNLV William S. Boyd School of Law at the beginning of last month. I will officially be going back to school in August which is why I’m taking a trip out of the country this summer.
  5. Lose fat & gain muscle: I’m making great progress on this goal. I hired a trainer in January. Even though he quit and I got a new trainer I had to get used to after taking a 2 week hiatus from the gym, I’ve still managed to lose about 15ish lbs. I can also feel myself getting stronger in every part of my body. I’m excited to see where I will be in the next 3 months from now!
  6. Take my blog to the next level: I like to believe I’m taking steps towards taking my blog to the next level. I created a bi-weekly newsletter (still working on sending out my first e-mail), I hosted my first GIVEAWAY (of many to come), and I’ve started posting more regularly, and I’ve upped my social media engagement. Hopefully in 3 months I will have really made some solid progress.
  7. Read one book every month: I’ve been slacking in regards to reading one book a month. I tried to read 7 Habits of Highly Effective People in January but I underestimated how dense and long that book was and I decided to read a little bit of it each month throughout the year. It also took me all of February and a little over half of March to finish The Autobiography of Malcolm X. I highly recommend this book. I wanted to at least finish 2 books by the end of March so I picked an easy ready for the last week of the month. I chose The Defining Decade. I have really enjoyed this book and will be reviewing in a post later this month. 
  8. Move out: so as I have officially gotten into school and given a full tuition scholarship, this has become the least important of my goals. I have to keep a 2.3 (which sounds easy but I’ve never been to law school so I wouldn’t know) GPA to keep my scholarship. My cousin has moved out of my room and this has made living at home much more bearable. I’m in the process of redecorating my room and giving it the personality I wanted it to have when I first moved back home. The only thing that makes me really want to still consider moving out is having company over when they come to town and visit. If I have any updates on this goal they will definitely be towards the end of the year.

All in all, I’ve very pleased with the progress I’ve made on achieving my goals this first few months of the year. I do have some areas that could use improvement (getting my license/car and staying on top of reading for fun). However, I have also had some major wins (YAY for getting into law school and getting a full tuition scholarship). I can’t wait to write this post at the end of the second quarter of the year and see how far I’ve come and what else I’ve done. I might have some different goals listed to reflect the changes in priorities I’ve had since getting into law school but the post will be similar in format. Here’s to working towards our goals all year long!

What are some goals you set for yourself at the beginning of the year? What goals have you made progress on? What goals could use improvement? Leave me a comment and let’s talk about it! 

 

Things I Wish I Knew When I Started Blogging

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Ever since I started blogging, many of my friends have come to me for advice about starting their own blog. I love this because it means they notice that I’m doing things and as a blogger, recognition is good. However, having to give advice over Snapchat or Instagram messages is harder and time consuming than I have time for so I decided to write this post. These tips can also apply to anyone in an online creative type of work such as podcasting or running a specialized Instagram page. From one amateur blogger to the next, these are the things I wish I knew when I started blogging.

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  • Put aside a few consecutive hours a week to focus on blog related things. (Really focus!)

Honestly, if you can master this and make it a habit, the rest of these things will come pretty easily to you. My biggest struggle over the last year and half or so has been finding the time to just sit down and work on my blog for extended periods of time, without distractions. I read a post from Mattie James (mattiejames.com) that discusses the concept of batch work. Batch work is basically creating a bunch of content all at once. My effectiveness in this comes and goes but as of lately it’s been something I am aiming to make routine.

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  • Figure out your main topics/focus aka niche (Keep this list small)

When I first started blogging I wanted to talk about everything under the sun: health and fitness, pop culture, social justice issues, self-growth and development, mental health, anything and everything. It wasn’t until after I tried writing about all of these topics and realized that I was headed nowhere fast that I decide to dial back on the topics I was going to focus on for my blog. Now I focus on self-reflection, self-growth/self-development, and goal-setting with a sprinkle of health and fitness and travel thrown in every so often. Keeping your list of topics small is key to avoiding being overwhelmed as a blogger. Even the person who loves writing more than life CAN’T write about everything. I know that once I establish myself as a blogger with a brand, other opportunities to talk about my various interests will present themselves.

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  • Consistently creating content (and posting it) is the hardest thing to master.

It’s so funny because whenever people ask me what advice I have about blogging I tell them “don’t underestimate how hard it is to consistently write and create content.” Many of the time they tell me they’re not worried about that because they have so many things to write about that creating content won’t be hard for them. Fast forward a few weeks later and either 1. They haven’t started their blog because they’re busy or 2. They have started it but only post once in a blue moon (like myself, guilty as charged haha). The thing people don’t understand is that writing a blog post isn’t hard (per say) but what is hard is writing a blog post worth reading. There have been many times I have written a post, read it back, tried to edit it, and just realized it wasn’t even worth reading for me, much less to put out. Creating consistent and worthy content is hard. Don’t underestimate it.

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  • Friends =/= Supporters and that’s okay! (Don’t take it personal)

Just because you are friends with someone does not mean they are obligated to support your blog. I know. That sounds insane. Why wouldn’t your friends support you? They’re your friends! That’s what friends do for each other. I know that’s what we’re taught to believe but the fact of the matter is that friends =/= supporters and that doesn’t make them bad people. Maybe your niche is just not FOR THEM. When I first started blogging I was sad that all of my friends weren’t reading my blog (the clicks don’t lie!) but then I realized that doesn’t matter. I love all of my friends and our differences in interests and hobbies. That being said if one of my friends started a horseback riding podcast I can’t necessarily say I would be tuning in every week to hear about life at the stables. I probably would retweet all of their new episodes but that’s as far as that would go. That doesn’t make me a bad person. Some people won’t even retweet you, and that’s fine too. We are all inclined to support things that interest us. I know my content isn’t for everybody, I focus on writing for the people who it’s intended for.

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  • Reading other bloggers, watching blogging webinars, and whatever else is useless if you don’t apply the knowledge! (Seriously, don’t waste your time)

I tried to read every blog post and watch every webinar I could about blogging when I first started. There where countless Google searches for content about blogging from my phone and laptop. If it was free, it was for me! After reading and watching all of this stuff I can say I have maybe applied 1 or 2 things out of the 25 I’ve learned. That’s because I was more focused on indulging in information to try to imitate the greats instead of reading/learning some and then applying it, reading/learning something else and applying, and so on and so on. I’m sure I would have gotten way farther in a quicker time if I took it one step at time. This whole blogger life is a learning process though and Mara went through it so you don’t have to!

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  • This shit is not cheap/free (If you want to be next level)

Okay so I never knew that I was going to have to spend so much money JUST to make blog appear legit. Between having my own domain, needing a PO Box for my newsletter, paying for stock photos, and eventually attending blogging conventions, this blogging life gets REAL costly REAL quick! If blogging is just a hobby for you it’s not something you have to worry about but I eventually want to take my blog to another level as a source of income like many of the women I admire. If you have similar ambitions as me, it’s going to cost you before it pays you. Don’t get discouraged and make sure you can finance your dreams.

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  • Engagement is a major key.

Okay so something I’ve recently learned is blogging doesn’t stop at the blog posts. In order to have people actually give a damn about what you have to say, you have to engage with your social media followers. I know that is so obvious…how didn’t realize it before? I don’t know, honestly. Even after reading it from many people who blog it never clicked until recently.

This is just a little bit of what I wosh I knew when I started blogging. Even with utilizing these tips there are still so many things left for bloggers to learn. The best thing is to do your research! Here are some of my favorite blogging resources where I read up on blogging tips and sometimes even score a free webinar or two. 

  • MattieJames.com
  • Bloguettes.com
  • LostGenYGirl.com 

If you are fellow blogger or have a postcast/website, I wish you luck and success! It’s not an easy task to be successful on these e-streets. 

Are you a blogger? What is one thing you wish you knew when you started blogging? Let me know in the comments! 

10 Random Facts You (Probably) Didn’t Know About Me

Every few weeks or so I try to share a blog post with my readers on different things. Something I’ve noticed is that while I do share a good portion of my life happenings, I’m never really shared too much about me as a person. That promoted my idea of sharing 10 Facts my average reader won’t know about me!

My Mom stayed putting me in these extra ass dresses

  1. I was born with a broken hip: It’s hard for me to believe because I’ve never had hip problems *knocks on wood* but it’s true! My mom says I had a difficult birth and broke my hip on the way out. 
  2. I’m named after my dad and his beat friend (at the time): My birth name is JerMara and the Jer comes from my dad Jerome and the Mar comes from the name Marlin, who was my dad’s best friend when I was born. Apparently they don’t really talk anymore. A shame. I used to hate my name but it’s grown on me haha.  
  3. I started pre-school when I was 3 years old: I also almost skipped a grade when I was in kindergarten to go to 1st grade. I believe this is why I was overdue for a break from school when I graduated college haha. 
  4. I have oral allergies to MOST raw fruits: It always surprises people when I tell them I like veggies more than fruits but raw fruits give me soooo many problems! The only fruits I can feel completely eat raw are strawberries. I also like apples, peaches, mangoes (without the skin).
  5. I’m deeply terrified of snakes: I literally can’t even watch them on tv. Thanks to my family for letting me watch the movie anaconda at 3 years old. 
  6. I’ve wanted to be a lawyer since I was 13: Before I wanted to be a lawyer I wanted to be teacher and an author. I still want to write a book (or books) some day but as a substitute teacher now I know forsure I would never want to be a teacher (hug a teacher and give them money, they don’t get paid enough for what they do!)
  7. I’m so 16% fluent in spanish according to Duolingo: I should be way more fluent considering I took it 3 or 4 years in HS and one semester in college but just give me like 5 years! Haha.
  8. I don’t like puzzles: I also don’t like most board games. I might tell a story about why on instagram live one of these days. We’ll see. 
  9. I’ve been to 7 countries in Europe: For my college graduation I got a grad-trip that was two weeks long. I went to Netherlands, Germany, Austria, Italy, Switzerland, France, and The U.K. I loved Verona, Italy the most and Switzerland the least (our money is shit over there). 
  10.  At some point in my life I want to live in Washington DC and Italy for an extended period of time: I loved the cities I visited in Italy and want to live there. I also visited Washington DC in 2016 and fell in love. I feel like at some point I have to live in both those places, even if it’s just for 6 months to a year. I want to visit Ghana and I feel like it will also get added to my list of places I want to live once I do. I just have a feeling. 

Me in Verona, Italy under Juliet’s balcony

What’s something random nobody knows about you? Leave a comment and let me know! Xoxo

My First Color Run 5K Experience

At the end of last year I got this crazy idea to do twelve 5Ks in 2018 (one for each month of the year). It sounded like a good idea to have a way to keep me healthy and track my progress throughout the year. One of the 5Ks I’ve always wanted to run was The Color Run 5K. Not only would I be able to get covered in vibrant colors, I’d be able to get some fun cardio in and rewarded for my efforts with a unicorn medal. I was all for it and even got my best friend to agree to run it too (unicorns are one of her favorites). I was excited for my first ever Color Run and I couldn’t wait.

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The Day Before:

The week prior to The Color Run was a strange time in Vegas weather. It suddenly became even more cold and windy. This was something I had a hard time coming back to from my getaway to Florida the week before. I’m talking cloudy with a 100% chance of crazy winds and the next for more than a regular light jacket I was used to wearing. I had to pick up mu packet Friday after work and I felt that I was going to freeze to death in Container Park (okay, maybe not freeze to death but ya girl was cold!). I asked myself “what if it’s even colder at 8 in the morning? Do I really want to do this run this badly?” The answer was YES, of course! I need that unicorn medal and I had already paid for my packet. This Color Run was happening: rain, sleet, nor snow was going to stop me!

The Day of:

I should have known I was gonna be a struggle bus when I tried to apply the free tattoo they gave me in my packet and I forgot to take the plastic off before putting it on my skin and holding a wet paper towel on it. It stuck to the plastic and perfectly good golden lighting bolt tattoo was wasted. Oh well. Luckily for me the clouds were gone the next morning and it was somewhat warmer than the evening before. My best friend Dom picked me up at 7am and we were off to downtown Vegas for our race. We met Dom’s sorority sister Michelle and her friend in the parking lot and we went to put on the stuff we needed for the race (bibs, armbands/fanny packs for our phones, etc.). One problem, I had not realized the significance of the headband twisty thingy they had given us with our packets. It was obviously to keep me from getting colored powder in my mouth. Also, I couldn’t find my safety pins. Thankfully, Michelle had extra ones. We put on our bibs and headed to the start line.

The Color Run Starting Line

A picture at the starting line while I waited for the wave before us to go

We made it to the starting point and although it was warmer than the evening before it was still pretty cold. There was music playing so I started dancing to get warmed up because the thing I needed was to try and run with cold muscles. I was over the fact that I didn’t have the  bandanna for my mouth but I was kicking myself for not bringing it because I could have used it for my ears, they were cold as shit. I loved how everybody was dressed up in different costumes, tutus, and unicorn headbands. Me and Dom vowed we would go all out next year.

Finally, the countdown for us to start begins and we start jogging when they say “GO!” My nose was really stuffed from the day before and the wind messing with my allergies (damn playground duty at work) and from the cold. I couldn’t breathe through my nose so running was just a struggle.

My best friend and I got to the first color: PURPLE! The volunteers threw colored power at us from a squeegee bottle and we continued on to the rest of the race. As I mentioned I couldn’t breathe through my nose and had to stop often. I was determined to do my first mile in under 15 mins and I did…14:59 exactly hahaha.

One thing that caught me off guard about this run was that there wasn’t a water station until we got to mile 2. I felt really bad because I told my best friend she wouldn’t need to bring a water bottle because in my other 5Ks there was always a water station at mile 1 and mile 2. I don’t usually carry water bottles because I had have extra stuff to hold on to during my runs and I get a stomach cramp if I drink too much water. I will definitely bring a water pouch next year because ya girl did get thirsty before mile 2.

The Color Run 5K Finish Line

The Color Run 5K Finish Line

After about 45 mins my best friend and I finally reached the end tunnel before the finish line! To my surprise there will bubbles on the floor. We crossed the finish line, got our unicorn medals, and went to check out the tents while we waited for Michelle and her friend (they weren’t too far behind us).

I was not covered in colors from head to toe like I had thought I would be based on the instagram pictures I had seen but that is because they give everyone who crosses the finish a packet of color and you and your friends throw it on one another after your done. I thought this was a great way to keep up the fun of The Color Run after the race was over. We all through color all over each other, took our pictures and boomerangs, went to the area in front of the stage for a little bit, cleaned off, and went to brunch. We had a quite a fun morning.

All in all, I enjoyed my first Color Run even if it wasn’t what I was expecting. I have some tips for those who are thinking about doing it this year or next year and for myself:

  • If you get a packet, bring the bandanna thingy (even if you don’t think you’ll need it). It’s better to have something you don’t need then to need something you don’t have.
  • Bring a water pouch if you hate carrying water bottles. I’m not sure if each city is the same in water station set ups but I would have loved some water before I reached mile 2.
  • Get a phone that takes better pictures. Okay I know this sounds dumb but my best friend has the iPhone X and the pictures she took of the run and of us were amazing. Next year I want to be able to take some good pictures on my own!
  • Don’t focus on time and pace, focus of having FUN! The first mile I was worried about my time and even after I finished I was beating myself up about my time. What I didn’t realize was that The Color Run is not your typical 5K. You can’t run the whole way through if you want to be covered in the colors so just make sure you bring a buddy and have a good time!

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Now that I finished my first Color Run I have two 5Ks down, 10 more to go for 2018! What are some goals you’ve accomplished so far as February winds down? If you’re s runner, what has one of your favorite FUN race been? Let me know in the comments below!

My Bucketlist for 2018

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while you know that I’m planner obsessed and love making list. I especially love making bucketlists. I believe that keeping a bucketlist is a good way to constantly find inspiration for getting out of your comfort zone. While I think it’s harder for me to keep an overall bucketlist, it is easy for me to keep a bucketlist of things I want to do before each year ends. I wrote one last year and I didn’t really get to accomplish half of it because I forgot about it until December due to my studying for the LSAT (no regrets though, I got a 160 and scored in the 80th percentile! Woot woot!). Well this year my bucketlist is a little longer (10 things instead of 6) but I want to at least make sure that I am doing one thing from my bucketlist each month. I feel this system will be more manageable and I will be able to tell that I haven’t gotten out of my comfort zone in a while. Here are the things I have on my 2018 Bucketlit. I’ve broken them down into categories because they’re easier to track that way.

Bucketlist For 2018 Blog

Blogging:

  • Have at least one of my posts go viral
  • Reach 100 subscribers

Bucketlist For 2018 Health and Fitness

Health and Fitness:

  • Take a kickboxing class (leftover from last year)
  • Run an ENTIRE 5K (leftover from last year)
  • Collect a 5K medal each month
  • Hike a new trail

Bucketlist For 2018 Travel

Travel:

  • Travel to a city I’ve never been to before
  • Sleep in a cabin in the mountains with snow and a fireplace

Bucketlist For 2018 Las Vegas

Viva Las Vegas:

-Explore more of Las Vegas (shows, local restaurants, activites)

– Go to Seven Magic Mountains and have a photo shoot

Bucketlist For 2018 Misc

Miscellaneous:

  • Go to a shooting range (leftover from last year)
  • Eat at more vegan restaurants

 

These are just some things I hope to do before we are in the end of December 2018. I didn’t do any of these in January so one month I’m going to have to double up but I think that will be easy to do with some of these activities. This list gives me something to look forward to each month and will definitely be a way to add some excitement to my life as I start trekking through adulthood. Who knows? I might discover a new hobby I love, a new place to frequent, or even meet some new friends. Whatever happens I’m glad I have this lit to refer to when I need something new to do. You know if I do it I’m going to blog about it so look forward to some posts about my adventures!

Do you have a bucketlist? If so, what’s on it? Let me know in the comments below! 

3 Signs You’re The Toxic Person in Your Life and How To Fix It

I’m not one of those people who believe in “good vibes only” or only focusing on the positive things in life. Being a constantly positive person is hard and, in my opinion, impossible for most people. As humans we aren’t perfect and there are times when we’re going to have a shitty day and be in a shitty mood. This is fine. However, there is a difference between having a bad day or week and being the toxic person in your life or the lives of others. As someone who has gone through these moments at earlier times in my life, I’ve discovered 3 signs that will tell you if you are the toxic person and how to fix it if you are.

1. You are always angry/in a bad mood and take it out on others

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As I said earlier, it is perfectly okay to have a bad mood for a day or week. Some people even have bad months depending on what they are going through in life. What’s not okay is constantly being in a bad mood and taking this out on those around us. Nobody wants to be friends with the person who is always angry, never has anything nice to say, and acts like an asshole to most people around them. Even if you disguise it in constant sarcasm, slick comments, passive aggressive behavior, or whatever else, it’s annoying and toxic to others and yourself.

How to fix it: Find out why you are so angry

Unless you suffer from a disorder that makes your emotions not at your own will, most people experience another emotion before anger. Figure out what emotion(s) you’re trying to mask in anger. Are you sad? Are you hurting? Is there a trauma you don’t want to deal with? Ask yourself these questions and similar ones to find out the root of your anger. This is the only way you can address this anger and move on to a life not plagued by it.

2. You’re jealous of others and their accomplishments

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Being a hater is one of the most toxic things to your well-being. I don’t mean the haters everyone swore they had in high school but a genuine hater who hates to see others do well. A hater is someone who constantly hates on others’ magnificent accomplishments. Do you find yourself getting jealous of strangers or even worse…your “friends?” Do you hear about people’s new promotions at work or their new PR at the gym and find yourself looking for a way to cut them down or “humble them?” If you’re this type of person you’re toxic to yourself and others and people will definitely pick up on it even if you never say anything out loud. They will stop telling you the good things that happen to them because you’ll always be known as somebody who is a hater and has nothing good to say when people share their accomplishments.

How to fix it: Realize you are an adequate being and what is for you won’t pass you by

Many times when we try to dull someone else’s sparkle it’s because we are insecure about our own shine. As people we have insecurities or feelings of inadequacy sometimes. What’s important is that we don’t let these feelings consume us so much that we can’t be happy for the next person. Another reason people become haters is because they want what someone else has. There are very few things that are in such scarcity in the world that you need to covet those who have them. What is meant for you is FOR YOU so long as you take the steps needed to achieve it. Hating on the next person won’t get you any closer to your goals. Aspire to be inspired by those who are we’re you want to be and learn from them instead of wishing them bad.

3. You only call/text your friends to talk about yourself, your problems, or other people

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There is nothing that toxic people are better at than maintaining one-sided friendships that only benefit them. If you’re constantly reaching out to others with no intentions of seeing how they are doing, you might be the toxic friend. I’m using the term friend loosely here. But seriously, if you only think to hit people up when you’re going through some shit, they aren’t your friend…they are your therapist and honestly that’s not fair to them. This isn’t the same thing as a friendship where the energy and effort is mutual and you both help each other through hard times. This is you not checking in with someone unless you need something from them and they are helping you in some way…it’s toxic. If you only reach out to a friend to talk badly about other people that’s toxic as well and not good for either of you. Only equally toxic people want friends who never have anything good to say about others.

How To Fix It: Get a therapist and a journal

One way to make sure you’re not the friend who only keeps in contact to talk about the shit going on in your life is to have someone whose job it is to let you vent to them. Therapy is often looked down upon (especially in communities of color) but if you have this tendency you could probably use someone with the proper skills and knowledge to help you through these times. Another way to master your emotions and feelings is to write about them. I know I say this all the time but it works, okay? Ever since I’ve started journaling I have become better at dealing with my emotions. This can help you too. Also, if you find yourself consistently gossiping about others, you need to figure out what insecurities you are trying to hide by doing so. As I mentioned earlier everyone has insecurities and it’s okay but talking badly about others won’t make anything within ourselves better. Find the problems within yourself and handle them.


I believe that everyone goes through a phase or two where they are the toxic person in their own life as well as the lives of others. What’s important is being able to recognize this and taking the steps needed to check ourselves and deal with our problematic behaviors. The first step is awareness so if any of these signs rang true for you I hope you take my suggestions. Help yourself live a peaceful non-toxic life. You are in charge with how you deal with life so take the steps towards happiness not bitterness.